눈시울이 붉어지는 글이 있습니다..
좀 일찍 생을 마감하는 엄마..
그리고 남겨진 아이들이 있지만..
내가 앞전에 읽은 기사의 다른 한국의 엄마와는 사뭇 다르게 준비를 합니다..
..
엄마 메뉴얼..
.. 그녀는 자신이 죽고 나서 남편에게 아이들을 부탁하는 글을 써놓았습니다..
죽음과 슬픔, 안타까움, 걱정을 뒤로하고..
담담하게 써내려간 그녀의 글은..
참으로 많은 감동을 전해줍니다.
Kiss the boys twice before bed after I’ve gone
Kate's mummy manual
DEVOTED mum Kate's list includes her aspirations for her beloved boys and snippets to help them remember her, including her likes and dislikes. Some she wrote, others she texted.
1. Kiss boys 2 x after I have gone
2. Go to as many school activities as possible – praise assemblies etc
3. Don't put pressure on Reef re: bed-wetting. There are tablets to reduce wee production at night.
4. Please teach them to be on time and say what they mean
5. Don't fill outside with your boats – give boys space to play
6. Go caravanning with cousins or let boys go long weekends
7. Singe's pepper sauce and WKD
8. Do not like windy weather
9. Do not like tomatoes unless in sauce or soup
10. Would like Reef to learn recorder or guitar
11. Finn the drums and electric keyboard
12. Mummy loved Finn's laugh and how he sucked his thumb and folded his ear
13. Mummy liked walks down the river bank
14. Mummy liked catching crabs
15. Mummy wants Daddy to use phrase acres and acres
16. Mummy liked learning butterfly and bird names and would have loved to have hand-fed a wild robin liked she used to feed the squirrels
17. Would love the boys to find four-leaf clovers
18. Don't leave Finn out – try and have quality game time with him too
19. Please don't go on off the beaten track holidays as I STRONGLY believe that vaccinations in Reef and me triggered the cancer
20. Need to measure me on door frame – Mummy was 5ft 1ins. With size 5 feet and usually weighed about 8 stone 10 lbs
21. Don't let them ride a motorcycle or scooter
22. Don't let them smoke and remind them why
23. Would like them to do an after-school club – Finn Stage Coach, Reef cubs
24. Would like drive done
25. Never leave more than a week before making up – life is too short
26. Ruth good for parenting advice as she has two boys same age gap
27. Find a woman to settle down with so the boys can have a female influence and stability in their lives
28. Always kiss boys goodbye and goodnight
29. Grow a sunflower now and again
30. Want them able to swim before boating on their own ie. 50m without mask and snorkel
31. Would like dining room table for family meals once a week at least
32. Would like school photos every year
33. Take the boys to see an international rugby match
34. Need to set up certificate boxes for swimming badges, school achievements etc
35. Please teach them to respect women and not double date
36. Would be good if they settled down sooner rather than later, so you get to see grandchildren
37. Would love them to find one of those fairy mushrooms – the red ones with the white bits on
38. Take them for walks along Mummy's favourite beach where she used to go as a child
39. Don't want the kids to go back to Disney or Lapland too soon – these were our memories. Take them back when they are about 10
40. Take the boys to Switzerland for New Year and visit the special place where Daddy proposed to Mummy
41. Please use the money for a playroom for the boys as Ken would probably let you have a bit of his land to play on and call Mum's Place or Priddy Pools
42. Would like drawings (any ones from school etc), pictures of boys and clothes with me. Christmas cards, birthday cards
43. Mummy loved how sparkly Reef and Finns' eyes were in Lapland
44. Mummy loved Reef cuddles at night
45. Likes white gold, silver and aquamarines
46. Liked satellite spotting and watching for shooting stars
47. Loved guinea pigs and butterflies
48. Walnut whips, Club biscuits, strawberry cheesecake
49. Try not to let them go into the Forces
50. Move down south if rest of family is thinking of doing so
51. Like wild flowers – red campion, cuckoo spit, daisies primroses and flowers in wedding arrangement
52. Teach them to say what they mean on the phone
53. Would like them to have a playroom and climbing wall
54. Mummy liked walks along the beach and Mendips, rock-pooling and walks in the woods and finding creatures of all sorts
55. Mummy liked phrase "Infinity Elves"
56. Don't ride motorcycle or scooter, especially on the road
57. Take lots of photos, especially in your teens
58. Make scrap book of your adventures
59. Irish Blessing
60. Pictures of us in boys' room
61. Plank on pier in Clevedon
62. Parental advice from James H/Jane de Bude
63. Kiss goodbye even if leaving for a short time
64. School photos in last book
65. Keep a record of achievements
66. Always help them if they ask
67. Mum's place Kens/Priddy/Lyme
68. Finn's cuddles were always very special
69. Go and see Southern (Northern Lights?)
70. Mummy loved moths, snakes and slowworms
71. Orange Club biscuits, jam and jelly, lemon curd
72. Mummy loved ivory roses, ivy, gypsophila
73. See Skippy and Rachel Down Under
74. Ruth – cup and some clothes
75. Take boys to Lundy
76. Help All Saints School and try to get Reef extra help
77. Keep in touch with Maria and Lyne disabled team
78. Sort out fish tank
79. Pebble chess set
80. Netball centre
81. Don't like hockey
82. Very good at maths
But mum-of-two Kate Greene knew she would not be around to impart motherly pearls of wisdom.
She realised that by the time her sons Reef, six, and four-year-old Finn became teenagers, breast cancer would have claimed her life.
So instead, the devoted mum did the next best thing.
She meticulously drew up the ultimate "to do" list of advice and instructions on how her beloved husband should raise their children when she was gone.
Reef had very nearly been snatched away by cancer when he was just a toddler. And, heartbreakingly, the disease claimed his mother's life in January.
Kate was just 37, when she lost her two-year battle, leaving husband St John to care for their boys.
Now St John, 44, has devoted himself to fulfilling the long list of instructions, hopes and ambitions his soulmate compiled in her final months.
They include specific experiences such as visiting Llantwit Major beach in South Wales, where she holidayed as a child, going to an international rugby match, and visiting Switzerland, where St John proposed.
Others are touchingly simple — like finding a four-leaf clover and growing sunflowers.
Kate — an insurance underwriter who taught scuba-diving in her spare time — also outlined basic principles she wants instilled in the boys, such as always being on time.
Other wishes in her "Mummy's Manual" include buying a dining table so the family can eat together and always kissing the boys goodnight twice before bed.
Perhaps most moving of all, she urges St John to find another woman after her death so the boys grow up with the "stability" of a female influence in their lives.
St John said: "Losing Kate was more devastating than words can describe, but by carrying out all the wishes on the list we still have an emotional tie.
"I've already done as much on the list as possible and we plan to do the lot. Every time we do one we think of her."
St John, who runs an outdoor pursuits company, met Kate in 1989 when she was 16.
They moved in together the following year and married in 1996 after he proposed on holiday in Switzerland.
Kate fell pregnant with Reef in 2003 and 18 months later Finn was on the way.
But in December 2005 their world collapsed when doctors found a lump in Reef's abdomen following months of illness.
The stress sent Kate into labour that day and she was rushed from their home to Southmead hospital.
There, former paramedic St John helped deliver Finn. But at seven weeks premature, he was rushed straight into the hospital's special care baby unit.
The following month Reef's lump was diagnosed as a rhabdoid sarcoma — one of the rarest, most aggressive tumours.
He was given just a six per cent chance of survival and began intensive chemotherapy then had surgery to remove the tumour.
Doctors warned his parents he might never walk again but to everyone's amazement he recovered and went into remission.
Then in April 2008 the family was devastated again when Kate found a lump in her left breast.
St John said: "It hit me like a thunderbolt when Kate was diagnosed. We thought we'd been to hell and back but there was more."
And after 18 months of gruelling chemotherapy it was apparent the disease had spread too far and treatment was stopped.
Her condition deteriorated and two months later she needed oxygen tanks at home in Clevedon, Somerset.
St John said: "Towards the end we both knew Kate's time was up. We've known each other since we were children and didn't need to say the words. We just knew.
"Then one night she became really frightened that she wouldn't make it through the night. We stayed up chatting and at about 4am we drew up the wish list of things I had to do with the boys.
"Kate had carried a pen and paper around with her to note down ideas and we would stay up talking about things we wanted the boys to do.
"Before I knew it, there were more than three sides of A4 filled with things on the list."
Over the following weeks the family fulfilled a number of Kate's final wishes — visiting Santa in Lapland, going to Disney World in Florida and seeing a pantomime.
During her final days she would painstakingly type out brief texts of her wishes, which St John would then add to the list.
St John has already bought a dining table and set about building a playroom extension.
He has also booked flights for him and the boys to go to Egypt and plans to take them to Dublin to watch Ireland play England at rugby in the Six Nations.
But he said: "The most difficult is, without doubt, finding someone else. I have already found my soulmate and to be back on the market is very difficult to deal with."
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Diagnosed with terminal cancer, Kate Greene had to come to terms with the fact that she would not see her young sons grow up.
But, determined to be an ongoing presence in their lives, she drew up a ‘mummy’s manual’ of more than 100 instructions, hopes and ambitions for her two boys to read after her death.
Mrs Greene, who died at the age of 37 following a two-year battle with breast cancer, wanted Finn, four, and Reef, six, to visit a Welsh beach where she holidayed as a child, attend an international rugby match and go to Switzerland, where her husband St John proposed to her.
Devoted mother: Kate Greene with her sons Reef and Finn on holiday
St John and Kate with their sons Reef and Finn on a trip to Disney World, Florida. Kate's 'to'do' list requests that her husband takes the boys there again
She outlines basic principles she wants Mr Greene, 44, to instil in the boys, such as to be always on time, to treat girlfriends with respect and to make up after a row.
She also makes it clear that they should never smoke, ride motorbikes or join the Armed Forces.
Other instructions are heartbreakingly simple. She asks her sons to find their own four-leaf clover, learn to play a musical instrument and grow sunflowers.
St John Greene with his sons Finn (left) and Reef on the beach in Clevedon - a favourite spot of their mother Kate
She also notes things she liked, such as walks on the river bank and learning butterfly and bird names.Selflessly, she even urges her husband to find another woman so the boys have a female influence.
Mr Greene plans to tick off all the wishes, and has already fulfilled some, including buying a dining table for the family to eat round and building a playroom extension for their home in Clevedon, Somerset.
The ex-paramedic, who now runs an outdoor pursuits company, met his future wife, an insurance underwriter and part-time scuba diving teacher, in 1984.
Tragedy first struck in December 2005, when Mrs Greene was pregnant with Finn. Doctors found a tumour in Reef’s abdomen.
Given a 6 per cent chance of survival, he had intensive chemotherapy then surgery to remove the tumour, which damaged nerves in his legs.
StJohn and Kate on their wedding day in 1996. The devoted mother left a touching 'to do' list of over 100 instructions for raising their two young sons
Doctors warned that he might never walk again but, incredibly, he recovered and the cancer went into remission.
Then in April 2008, Mrs Greene found a lump in her left breast. She underwent 18 months of chemotherapy, but doctors told her the disease had spread too far and her treatment was stopped.
Her condition deteriorated and two months later she needed oxygen tanks at home to survive. She died in January this year.
Croke Park Stadium in Dublin: Kate told her husband he must take their sons there to see Ireland play England in the Six Nations rugby
Mr Greene said: ‘I think towards the end we both knew Kate’s time was up. We’ve known each other since we were children and didn’t need to say the words. We just knew.
‘Then one night she became really frightened she wouldn’t make it through the night, we stayed up chatting and at about 4am we drew up the wish list of things I had to do with the boys. Before I knew it, there were over three sides of A4.’
The family fulfilled a number of Mrs Greene’s final wishes before she died, such as visiting Santa in Lapland, going to Disney World in Florida and seeing a pantomime.
Mr Greene, who said each item on the list helped him remember his ‘soulmate’, said yesterday: ‘Losing Kate was more devastating than words can describe but by carrying out all the wishes on the list we still have an emotional tie.’
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1316482/Cancer-sufferer-leaves-husband-100-things-2-sons.html#ixzz1pLwyaWAV
